A Guide to Grinding that's Gag-Worthy!

In the world of coffee, the grind is your foundation, it's your contour, it's everything! Like choosing the right fabric for a gown different methods require different textures. Whether you're going for a smooth espresso or a bold French press, getting that grind right is key to serving coffee realness. Now, let's see you work that walk to the grinder, and show us what you got!

The Quick-Tuck Tips:

  • A good grinder is your best squirrel friend, helping you get that perfect size grain for your brew.

  • Whether it’s as fine as your glittery eye shadow or as coarse as daddy’s beard, make sure you match that grind size to your brewing method. Like grinding in the club, size matters here, ladies!

Grinding

Picking Your Grinder

Hand Grinders—For the Vintage Queen

If you have the wrists of a seasoned vogue dancer and love a bit of elbow grease, the hand grinder is your girl. It's like choosing that fabulous vinyl record instead of a digital track—it takes a bit more work but delivers that old-world charm.

Electric Blade Grinders—For the Queen in a Dash

Got a little more disco in your step and a little less time? Blade grinders are the equivalent of a quick drag makeup tutorial—fast, efficient, but still oh-so-glam! A word of caution, diva: These blades can sometimes deliver uneven grinds. Try giving the grinder a bit of a shake halfway through to mix up the grounds.

Burr Grinders—For the Picky Pageant Queen

If precision is your middle name and you wouldn’t be caught dead with uneven eyebrows, a burr grinder is your go-to. This beauty delivers a consistent, even grind, ensuring your coffee is as perfectly put-together as your Friday night ensemble.

 

Sizing up Your Grind

Coarse Grind—Sex on the Beach

We can think of a few areas where you do not want to find sand. No ma'am Pam! And a romantic walk on the beach? Not in these heels! But in the coffee world, a coarse grind is fabulous for French Press brewing.

Medium-Coarse Grind—Glitter and Glam

Think of this as glitter every which way, ready for a bit of pour-over or a drip brewer without a showerhead. It's the kind of grind that says, "I'm here, I'm vers, get used to it!"

Medium Grind—This Beesh is Salty

If an auto-drip coffee maker is your daily gig, then medium grind is your Best Judy. She's always there for you and ready to hit the town.

Fine Grind—Pour Some Sugar

To the divas who live for a dazzling espresso shot, this one's for you! It's as finely tuned as your contouring skills.

Extra Fine Grind—Dusted, Darling

Turkish coffee aficionados, assemble! This grind is as smooth as butter on your biscuit.